Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
