i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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