Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
