Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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