The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
