oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
