I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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