i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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