I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
