Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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