You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
