Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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