watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
