Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
