I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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