My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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