based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We were destined to go to rehab together
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
