Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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