so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
