uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
