I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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