So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
