His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize