then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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