It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
