the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
