I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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