i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
