well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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