you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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