did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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