If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
