Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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