I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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