First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
