ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
