he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
