The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
