pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
