and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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