two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
