Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
