My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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