Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
