My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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