Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
