Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
