no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
