i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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