He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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