god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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