Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
