my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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