It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
