I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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