so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
