guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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