Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
