Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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