So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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