Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
