Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
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it's like heaven, but drunker
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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