I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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