Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
