There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
