Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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