True but thats because hes a fetus.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
