WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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