That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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