I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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