im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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